The Road Less Traveled

The Road Not Taken
by: Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I was raised in a stable environment; something I didn't know I should appreciate at the time.  Among other things, I had the great blessing of being raised from almost birth through highschool graduation in the same town.  In other words, I attended kindergarten with many of the same kids in my highschool graduating class.  I attended public school.  Now that I have much more experience in the ways of various public schools, I realize that I attended an excellent school in an excellent school district.  Our teachers were phenomenal, our administration dedicated.  The school was safe and comfortable; the education was thorough and inspiring.  My siblings and I thrived in accelerated programs, advanced placement and extra cirricular activities.  We enjoyed participation in a wide variety of activities provided through our public school system.

Understanding all of this, I suppose it comes as no surprise that I happily sent Merrody off to Pre-K and then to kindergarten in the very school district where I attended elementary school.  She even had the same principal!  She had great teachers and her very best friend was in her class both years.

Then Matt graduated and we moved to Washington.  Our house in WV hadn't sold yet, so we were renting a home.  The school district was a little on the poor side, but Merrody's teacher was a sweet lady in the ward and her new best friend in church was her classmate.  Merrody seemed to be comfortable there so, when we finally bought a house in the middle of the school year, I decided to drive Merrody to school until June to avoid having her make the change.

The next year Joel was starting kindergarten and Merrody was in 2nd grade.  We owned a house and felt permanent in Moses Lake, so we enrolled the kids in the school district that pertained to us.  This particular school district had the best reputation in town.  By October of that year, it was apparent that we would be moving--the sooner the better.  The economy was failing, jobs were scarce, and head hunters were telling us our best bet was to head east.  Of course, we hadn't lived in our home a year yet, and with the housing market on the downturn, we would never be able to afford to sell.  We rented out our home, Matt got a job, and we moved to Pennsylvania by the end of November.  Just before we moved, Merrody came home with a note from the school.  She had failed her eye exam.  Upon taking her to the optometrist, we found that she had seriously impaired vision (think 20/80).  We had seen no warning signs!  Clearly, Merrody had not been able to see the chalkboard in her classes.

The move to Pennsylvania schools was definitely the hardest we had experienced.  Two issues plagued my children:  first, it was the middle of the school year and they had come in as "new kids" and secondly, the cirricula they were studying in Pennsylvania was far ahead of what they had been learning in Washington.  Joel seemed to pick up pretty quickly on what he was missing (it was kindergarten, after all), but Merrody had significant gaps in her knowledge.  In the transition, she completely missed multiplication!  Armed with her new glasses, we were optimistic that our bright girl would catch up in no time.  But by the beginning of third grade, Merrody was placed in both Title I reading and math for struggling students.  I didn't mind the extra help--I was grateful for it!  But Merrody was beginning to see herself as not smart and that was not only untrue, but so very sad.  Joel's teacher praised his grades and abilities but was convinced that he had something diagnosable and medicatable.  Not wanting to be the oblivious mom, I took him to various specialists testing for ADHD, auditory processing disorder, etc.  I was relieved to find that he didn't meet standards for any of the diagnoses, but his teacher seemed frustrated that we weren't doing more.  I just wanted her to let him be a 7-year-old boy!

That's when the house we were renting got sold.  That's the major downside to not owning the home you live in--at any time the owners can decide they're ready to sell the place and you're out!  Matt was already commuting an hour for his job, so we decided that moving closer to work made the most sense.  That's how Merrody ended up in her 5th elementary school as she was just beginning the 4th grade.  Joel was beginning 2nd grade in his 3rd school, and Jack was starting kindergarten with a fresh slate.  The school was fine, as schools go.  Just another in a long line my kids had attended.  Of course, exposure to so many schools can make a person critical.  I didn't like the school's policies on parent volunteers, thought their discipline was a little over the top (my kids got sent to the principal's office for talking on the bus!) and I was frustrated over many other little things.  One big thing that worried me was Merrody's report card.  In spite of clearly struggling with many of her subjects (I should know--I was helping her with her homework!) she brought home all A's and B's.  Ugh.  Was this the kind of education we were in store for?  Some may say, "why didn't you just work more with her at home?"  I will tell you why-- she was too tired.  By the time she got home from a long day at school, she wasn't up for more work.  Most of my efforts were met with tears and frustration, not exactly a recipe for success.

People who observed Merrody both at home and school commented that she is a completely different person at home than at school.  At school she is quiet, withdrawn.  She has stopped trying to make friends.  She won't speak up in class if she doesn't understand something.  Joel, on the other hand, has become a pleaser.  He just wants the other kids to like him.  Sick of always being the new kid, he prioritizes  nothing over find his "crew".  Oh, and Jack?  He has learned every bad word imaginable!  It will be a long time before I'm able to help him break some of the bad habits he learned in kindergarten.

When it comes down to it, none of these factors were deal breakers.  We could overcome each problem, one by one, if necessary.  The bottom line is this:  We are still living in a rented house, Matt is still commuting, we still own a home we can't sell in Washington.  All of these things add up to one big problem--instability.  It could be five years before we are settled.  Heck, it could be longer!  Our kids would inevitably face 1, 2 maybe even three more school districts before we could call one home.

So, we're taking the plunge.  We're choosing the road less traveled.  We've decided to homeschool our children.

I started thinking about homeschooling during the tough transition from Washington to Pennsylvania.  The kids were struggling so much that one day I proclaimed, "If we ever move out of this school district, I swear I will homeschool our kids!"  And then a year later, when we actually did leave the school district, I chickened out.  We were trying to get pregnant and I knew I couldn't pull off pregnancy and trying to homeschool.  But as the year grew on and my pregnancy neared the end, I knew we couldn't keep on as we were.  Our kids deserved better.  Something had to change.

This was not a decision I took lightly. Homeschooling is a complete lifestyle change.  How would I manage?  Would having all of my kids home all day drive me crazy?  Could I really give them a better education than they were getting from professionals?  Would my house be trashed all the time?  Would I spend all day fighting with them to get their work done?  I was terrified.

The research I did soothed me some, but my doubts remained as I read endless books, blogs and websites.  I emailed, called and visited various homeschool moms both locally and around the country.  I studied various cirricula, state homeschooling laws and teaching aids.  The more I researched, the more I realized that it's actually pretty hard to go wrong with homeschooling.

For instance, did you know that a lot of famous and respected people were homeschooled?  Like: Ben Franklin, 14 of the US Presidents (including Abraham Lincoln and George Washington), Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Brigham Young, Thomas Edison, John Philip Sousa, Robert Frost, CS Lewis, Ansel Adams, Frank Lloyd Wright, Joan of Arc, and so many more!

Did you know that in the spring of 2011, 2.35 million kids in America were being homeschooled?  That's up from 1.5 only 4 years earlier in 2007.  Homeschooling is the fastest growing form of education in the US and many other countries worldwide.

Did you know that the average homeschooled kid scores 15-30 percentile points higher on standardized tests than the average public schooled kid?  That is regardless of the level of formal education the parents have or the income of the family.  I guess a 1:1 student/teacher ratio beats a 30:1 every time.

The average homeschool family does "school" for about 4.5 hours a day.  They're mostly done by lunchtime!  And you know those 180 days the school is required to teach each year?  Yeah, homeschoolers have to do that too, except the homeschool calendar year goes from July 1st through June 30th.  If you happen to drive across the country in July, that counts as geography.  If you happen to take a Saturday trip to the zoo, that's biology.  It's easy to fit 180 days of school with plenty of breathing room for off-season family vacations and field trips.  Oh, and if you decide you want to go spend a month with your mom in Idaho, just take along your books!  You can homeschool anywhere!

I know the old stereotype about homeschooled kids turning out socially backward.  That is so not true now!  Homeschooling co-ops exist in every area of the country.  Homeschooling families get together weekly/monthly to have activities, teach classes and go on field trips.  Not to mention the laws protecting homeschooled children provide that public schools have to let them participate in just about anything they want to--especially extra-cirricular sports, music, band, etc.  In our town alone there are 3 major homeschool co-ops and 150 homeschooling families!  That's quite a social network.

I won't lie.  I've had moments of melancholy throughout this process.  How will my children feel when they look out the window on the first day of public school to see all of their friends boarding the bus?  Will my kids miss out on so many of the public school cultural-type experiences that they could've had if we'd left them there?  Will the friends they make at church, sports and co-ops be as good as the friends they could make at school?

I don't know.  What I do know is this:  Jack's education will be restricted to educational info only and not potty humor and swear words.  Every time I read the newspaper and see yet another article about a child molested by a teacher, a bully-induced suicide, drugs on the playground, or a school shooting by some troubled child, I will thank my lucky stars that my kids are home safe with me.  Joel won't be held back by waiting for the kids in his class that are dragging behind and Merrody won't be allowed to move on to another lesson when she clearly hasn't learned the one before it.  I won't be sending my kids out for 30+ hours a week to be raised by a constantly changing group of people.  I will be the one raising them and I will be the one who's there for the magical moments when learning comes to life for each of them.  But most of all, they will finally have some stability.  No more new schools.  No more new teachers. 

I have no illusions.  This is definitely the road less traveled.  This is going to be really, really hard. 

But they're worth it.

Matt made this amazing bookshelf out of crates for me!  It's perfect.

Some of my many homeschooling books