Brother Oakes

If you know me at all, you probably know that one of the biggest trials of motherhood for me has been taking my kids to church. Our kids were so wild in church as babies that I was often reduced to tears. We've been doing this for 9 1/2 years now, and we've learned a few things, but I can't say that I've seen fulfilled the promises made by so many older parents that "this too shall pass". I don't cry anymore, but my kids are still pretty wild in church.

You should know, if anyone has EVER thought of it, I've tried it. Yes, I've tried quiet books, treats, toys, paper and crayons. Yes, we've tried punishments AND rewards. Yes, we've tried not bringing anything at all. Yes, we've had one million family home evenings on reverence in church. We've tried taking them out. We've tried making them stay in no matter what. Rest assured, we've exhausted each option. Some have truly helped us. Some, not so much. In the end, we've settled on a formula that works for us pretty well. And by that I mean my kids aren't as bad as they used to be. Still, they are pretty bad.

Over the years I've been met with a wide variety of reactions from my fellow church-goers. Sure, I've had plenty of sympathetic looks, tons of well-wishing comments, and a few toys handed in my direction during sacrament meeting. But I have to admit my children have also elicited disapproving stares, rude comments, notes from mothers who did it way better in their day, and even one well-meaning brother barged into my house insisiting that he and I would learn to train dogs together (a poorly veiled attempt to teach me to train my children). I try to receive all reactions as well-intentioned, and in all fairness, my kids are distracting. People want to hear the speakers, feel the spirit and learn something. It can be hard to sit near me.

Then we moved to Altoona.

Our ward here is the oldest ward I've ever been a part of. Like REALLY old. Like 50% of the people are 75 or older. Old people tend to struggle the most with the noise kids can make during church. It's already hard for them to hear without the loud rumble of my kids in the pew in front of them. It's already hard for them to see without my kids getting up and down every few seconds. Frankly, I have received the most negative feedback on my kids from old people. I was terrified to be in a ward where there would be no other children to contribute to the noise. Any irreverence rested solely on our shoulders.

That's where Brother Oakes comes into the story. Brother Oakes is old. I guess his most noticeable feature must be that he has an eye patch over one eye. He's not well off and certainly not well educated. And he and his wife were never able to have children. He's exactly the type of person you might thing would be particularly bugged by my kids at church. But that's not Brother Oakes.

We had only been in the ward for a couple of weeks when Brother Oakes starting bringing a Walmart bag to church every Sunday with something in it for my kids. Sometimes it's just 4 McDonald's activity books, Sometimes plain white paper, and a few times real books. But always, in the very bottom of the bag is a handful of tootsie rolls. He walks up to me, barely says a word and then hands me the bag. And then he takes his spot in the pew right behind us.

In the last few weeks, Brother Oakes's wife (who has a brain tumor) has been seriously ill and hasn't been able to make it to church. This is just the time when people should be serving him, when he might be crankier than usual, or stay home from church to be with his wife. Nope. He still shows up every Sunday, Walmart bag in hand, and takes his not-so-appealing post behind my family.

As I sat in sacrament meeting this morning, my children happily reading some classic Little Golden Books gifted to us by Brother Oakes, I was overcome with how incredibly Christ-like this man is. People look at him funny because of his eye patch, He doesn't have much that the world would respect in him, but he has served me and my family in a loving and un-judgmental way. He has brought kindness where others brought disapproval. He has brought help where others stood by.

I think often we think that the way to learn and grow is to serve others, but I am here to tell you that on this sabbath day, I learned so very much from being served by a loving and Christ-like Brother Oakes.